


The Mask

by AllisontClarke



Category: Original Work
Genre: Alternate Universe - Apocalypse, Angst, Animal Death, Apocalypse, Betaed, Blood and Injury, Bows & Arrows, Character Death, Coming of Age, Dysfunctional Family, F/M, Falling In Love, Fear, Flashbacks, Horses, I hate tags, Knives, Mental Health Issues, Music, My First AO3 Post, Plot Twists, Possible Character Death, Serial Killers, Serious Injuries, Slow Burn, Social Issues, Some Fluff, Teen Romance, The Author Regrets Nothing, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Tension, We stan cage the elephant, broken society, great music taste, poetic but not really, when we were young
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-19 07:56:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 15,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29871558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllisontClarke/pseuds/AllisontClarke
Summary: “She followed me without any complaints. I didn’t know where I was going or how to get food or water or shelter. But we kept on walking forward, aimlessly, towards inevitable death.”When a murderous apocalypse breaks out, 14 year old Madison is forced to flee into a society of teens that come from all different, dangerous backgrounds. In order to survive they must all band together and fight for the rapidly crumbling world around them. Or they’ll get trapped in the hopelessness threatening the city.Kinda insp by: Hunger games, divergent, outsiders lol





	1. The golden girl

**Author's Note:**

> The first little bit sucks as I get the hang of things but by chapter 5 there's a drastic improvement in quality, I promise! Just please give it a chance.  
> Also here's a little reminder that I try to update chapters every 1-2 days. Everything needs to be grammar checked first. This story is my pride and joy. I’ve been writing it for almost a year and it’s helped and inspired me so much. I'm very excited to share it with y'all. Happy reading! All comments and kudos are greatly appreciated :)

The clinking of my spoon against cremamic and the typing noises from my phone were the only sounds that filled the quiet house. I sat idly on a barstool at my kitchen counter picking at an already soggy bowl of Chex. I didn’t like breakfast; I didn't like mornings; I didn't like school. I’d been contemplating skipping school again by faking sick. But I'd already missed a lot of school so I put it off again. My generic alarm has had the same ringtone for months. My whole morning routine had been the exact same for months. I was so sick of routine.  
I’d wake up and get dressed, today I wore a white shirt with thin red and yellow stripes and cut off jean shorts. I paired them with my black vans to insinuate my status and brushed my puffy, gold hair into place. I looked in the mirror at the freckles dotting down my cheeks and my eyes. They were blue and my favorite feature. I pack my backpack, same as always: three books, a wallet and a pencil; I don't eat lunch.  
I left the house at seven, shoving my headphones in my ears. Nobody was awake yet. The sun was just rising as I turned up the music to drown out anything I didn’t want to hear. Which was anything but my music. I wanted to dance along with the beat but with the anxiety of potentially being watched, I decided against it. The sky was a purplish-pink with clouds all around. Small sections breaking off and joining others. Yellow rays of fire dripping through turn the sky to gold.  
I watched a mom send her small kids off to school, watching them run down the sidewalk. I almost felt envy. I wished my parents understood. They’ve never cared about the sunrise or the clouds or other fake things. And they’ve never cared about me. My dad worked as a butcher. He was strong and hard. He looked like he was straight out of a video game. He’d survive an apocalypse surely I mean, how could he not? I liked him but I didn’t love him. I respected him. We stood each other's existence.  
My mother was quite the character though, unlike my dad. I’m just kidding. I despised her. Maybe I’d like her better if she was more like me or my dad. She’s pretty useless. She works all day as a sales clerk and then comes home and goes into her room to watch TV, drunk. She never helps with the house or my siblings. She cooks sometimes but mostly what we eat is meat from my dad. I hate meat. I could be a vegan, I think. My mother is soft. If my dad is one to survive an apocalypse, my mother is the one who’d die in a mere second. She doesn’t understand anything as I do. She’s not deep, or funny, or charismatic or smart. She’s an empty shell of a person I’m not sure she ever was. I hate her. I hate my mother. She abandoned us before we were born.  
My brother's name is Christopher, Chrissy if you will, and if you could imagine the shyest little boy with deep green eyes and bright red, curly hair you’d be imagining my brother. He’s 12, doesn’t talk much. He’s either shy or just doesn’t have much to say. I’m the one who takes care of him since my mother is useless to us. He’s important to me and I’ll do everything I can to protect him. He’s very important. The last member of my family is my sister, Ivy. She may be the only person in the world that I truly love. She’s 12, I’m 14. She’s perfect to me. She’s not too tough to love like my dad, not hollow like my mother, not backed off like Chrissy, she’s perfect. And she understands me. I owe her everything. She’s perfect. Sometimes when I’m feeling mixed up I’ll go to her and she can always sort it out. She’s too smart to be 12. I’m smart in a school kinda way. You know, the useless kind. She’s smart in minds and the world. She can understand me even when I can’t. She’s always focused and determined. But her eyes... wild, laughing, reckless eyes, and steady hands. She’s pretty too. Fair skin and soft, red braids that complicate her head. She doesn’t need makeup. She loves wearing this one dress, it’s so soft it’s almost fuzzy. Corduroy maybe? It’s green. A deep emerald, ivy green. It goes with her eyes. She’s very pretty indeed. Her red hair is like the rest of my family, besides my mother who has brown hair like me. I’ve always wondered why my hair ended up a dumb brown instead of a fiery orange. Ivy was just so bright and so beautiful. I suffered from a sweet discontent because I was never made of pretty things. So I always had to take them myself.


	2. The ones who hurt us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grave mistakes are made and grave consequences are given

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is where we take off! Woo!  
> It’s only up from here! Right?

School was boring that day. I never paid much attention because I thought it would just be the same old routine the next day. Boy, was I wrong about that. My textbooks were heavy, I picked them up and waddled to my locker. After dumping them into the empty metal pit, I put my hands into my pockets and started my walk to sixth period.  
An announcement came over the loudspeakers, startling the cohort of students:   
“Dear students and faculty, due to unforeseen circumstances, school is canceled for today and the remainder of the week. Please pack your things and proceed to the buses effective immediately. Do not show up at school tomorrow. An announcement will...” they probably said more important things but I didn’t hear them over the panic arising in the halls. I was pushed and shoved as people ran out of the school. I mean I didn’t see the reason for this. Sure they were canceling stuff but the school wasn’t on fire. Calm down jeez! I heard someone shout my name over the commotion and for a second I couldn’t even tell who it was from, my brain was mixed up. I mean sometimes my brain gets fuzzy. I wish Ivy was here. No, I don't. It's not safe. I hoped she was at home away from danger. I didn’t even know what the danger was though! I hate not being in control...   
“Madison!” It was Emma. She was a smart girl, theatre kid, we weren’t exactly friends but she seemed like she needed to talk to someone and I seemed lost. I was still surprised though when she came running up, slightly in tears, yelling my name. She was hysterical. I asked her what in the world was wrong and get this: we were in the apocalypse. This kid was telling me there are killers everywhere. She had obviously gone mad. Emma isn’t exactly known for being melodramatic but I still didn’t take her seriously I mean, come on, would you? I held back laughing for her sake. So she wouldn’t feel stupid.   
“Calm down Emma, you read too much.”   
She does read a lot. It’s almost like she suffers from over imagination it’s so extreme. I walked away quickly. We weren’t supposed to waste time. I didn’t say goodbye. I didn’t need friends. I didn’t have any because I didn’t want any. Right?   
I got on the bus alright and we started home. I put in my headphones and drowned out the world with songs, living safely for a little in my mind. I could do anything in my mind, it was peaceful. A forest of green surrounded me with rays of sunshine and a little stream with rocks that clacked as the water hit them. It was warm but not too hot and not too cold. It rained the littlest bit. I was safe and warm. I love my mind. The bus stopped and the rushing, all too harsh, reality came and smacked me across the face, almost as hard as baseball once did. Knocked out 3 teeth. That’s when I quit softball. As I was walking home though I kept checking over my shoulder just in case Emma was telling a hint of truth. I wasn’t scared though. I don’t get scared. I’m like my dad in that way. As soon as I got home dad slammed the door and bolted it. He had added new locks. He brought me to the living room. Mom was there, cold and still as always. I don’t know why my dad loved her. If he ever loved her. Chrissy was unfazed by the world, blocking it all out and Ivy was shaking. I sat down in an empty chair next to my mother. My dad began, here’s what happened: Apparently a couple of cities away, a lab was testing a flower they created. To see if it could cure a disease that was ravaging the world. Red pox. My neighbour's cousin died from it. Tragic. Anyways, the flower was a no-go although it did do something very interesting. It turned the test rabbits mad. The ones who were injected started trying to kill any rabbits in sight. It basically made the injected want to kill each other with no emotion. The lab was still studying it for a bit and while they were the chief of science at the lab fired one of the employees there named Thomas Goodwin. Thomas was fired because of overcrowding and was basically let off for being useless. He had a family at home with him. A wife with no job and 4 kids, the youngest was only six. He was furious that his family now had no income and was fired by a man who hadn’t and never would struggle with money in his life. He showed up to his old lab the next day and took out his anger. He took the flower, named the black poppy, and made it into a mist. He then went out to an older factory that still had a vent on the top to expel smoke and rigged it to start releasing the toxin into the clean air. Before long people were getting infected, quickly and then all hell broke loose. Thomas went to city after city planting black poppies everywhere. I have to say they are quite pretty. Soon the police were able to identify the huge spike in murders and the flower as being connected. Although they were far too late. More than 60% of the world, in the end, got infected because somehow the flower was smuggled across the border. Probably by people like Thomas. People who were given the short stick in life. People who ached for control... that’s not the worst part though. The disease was in my city now. Those who were infected wore masks. A sheep, a pig, a wolf, and a white rabbit to identify who was who in the order. I don’t even know how they all got these masks. I knew they were from a popular horror show. Apparently, you can’t just put on a mask and pretend either because they could tell. I was in extreme danger. Ivy was in danger. I hated that. It had been 3 weeks since Thomas was fired. He and his family were killed by pigs. Go figure. The ranking systeme was the only form of order the infected stood by, like a cult. Wearing the animal heads like badges:  
Sheep: The first level. These people have killed 1-10 people since they’ve been infected. They wear sheep masks. They kill anyone they can to try and move up so maybe they are one of the more dangerous ones. They want to get out of being a sheep. There’s no honour in being a sheep.  
Pigs: Second level killer. They wear pig masks usually covered in a good amount of blood. They’ve killed 11-22 people and they mostly carry around axes. They aren’t good with knives yet but have accepted killing as part of their lives now. They are dangerous but aren’t too skilled yet. They have more motives though.   
Wolf: This is the third level you can be. If you sport a wolf mask you’ve killed over 23 people. Congrats. Wolves don’t drag around axes or heavy swords because they don’t have to. They like smaller knives and can throw them. They have a good aim too. You get respect as a wolf and have a good set of skills and a nice long kill list. They are considered very dangerous and if you see one you need to hide immediately. They are ruthless and are very set on becoming a fourth level killer. They enjoy making their kills drawn out. They don’t kill quickly.  
Rabbit: If you are a rabbit you’re at the top of the kill chain. Rabbits are nothing to mess around with. They’ve killed over 30 people and love to make their kills last as long as possible. Their masks represent the original killers. The ones who were first infected in the lab and killed each other. The ones who began the fun. The rabbits themselves. They were the original holders of the Black Death. That’s what it’s called now. Rabbits carry small, sharp, curved blades. They like a cruel, slow death and they don’t kill for numbers as the pigs do. They kill for fun. They say if you see a rabbit. Game over. You can’t even hide really. They have good eyes and better hearing. They have dead on aim and are incredibly fast. I’ve never seen one and I hope I never will. Rabbits are the ones who you need to watch for. They scared me to death


	3. Desertion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Family devotion only goes so far  
> Also there’s swearing so here’s your warning!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS WE’VE GOT 7 HITS  
> holy :0  
> Thank y’all so much! Means the world!

My father boarded the windows and locked the doors. I saw a wolf walking down the road the other day and it’s all too real now. I’m scared but not for me... for Ivy and Chrissy. I will protect them. I promise. We sat down to discuss a game plan because we were at this point sitting ducks and running out of food. Some of the neighbourhood boys were sheep now. We decided to go in our RV and drive to a secluded area in the desert. We packed up all we could and got out of what used to be my home. After hours of driving, we decided on a spot between dunes of sand. We set up for the night. We built a fire and all sat around it. Just 2 days ago I was in school laying on my desk wishing that math was a 30-minute class instead of 45. I wanted my headphones to escape but they got lost in the panic of packing. Now I had to face the world and it’s ugly face. It’s all too real now. Dad lit the fire and sat down. He was tough and strong. He had no emotions but yet he might have loved us deep down. Maybe love is too strong of a word but maybe, just maybe, he did. My mother stayed quiet as she tended to the fire and cooked up some greens for us to eat. Eventually, as the stars fell I hopped into our RV and fell into an uneasy rest. The state of the world and my new reality still hadn’t sunk in. I was in peace.  
The next morning though I awoke to a scream. One I’d never heard before. Who could it be? Definitely not dad. He didn’t scream. Ivy’s scream I’d heard before. One time she sliced open her hand on a bread knife. Chrissy's screams weren’t like this. It wasn’t him. My mother. It was my mother. A group of pigs had found us and ambushed us. I jolted out of bed and looked around for Chrissy and Ivy. Ivy ran into my room with tears in her eyes. I took Ivy’s hand and ran out the back door. I couldn’t find Chrissy. I’ll never forgive myself for not trying harder to find him. I left my family to die and ran through the hot sand in my bare feet away from certain death. I wish I had my headphones. My dad, my mom and poor, poor Christopher were surely dead. I guess it didn't matter whether you were soft or tough or 12, we all die anyway when we choose to trust each other. I was traumatized. I still am. I was determined to save Ivy though. We ran through the large flat of sand to the road. Even though it was early morning the sand remained hot and burned my skin. Stumbling as we went. We began to run down to the road away from death. My feet tore on the rocky sandstone roads that I can only imagine were a million degrees. After my stamina gave out, I began a slow tread to the shaky horizon before me. Small patches of blood stuck to the ground as I walked. The heat bashed down on my pale skin, burning me as I sweat away any liquids I had consumed the previous nights before. We kept walking though. Ivy looked parched and cut up, the same as me except she had her shoes on. She followed me without any complaints. I didn’t know where I was going or how to get food or water or shelter. Or anything. But we kept on walking forward, aimlessly towards inevitable death.  
It took awhile but eventually, it turned from dead sand to a terrain almost similar to a jungle. Lush, green, and airy. Although by the looks of it there hadn’t been rain in a while. I got to work on getting water and some bark to eat. The last time I had eaten was dinner with mom and dad... I left them to die. Were they getting cut up now? Would they spare Chrissy and raise him as a masked? Do they know where we are? I had so many questions but absolutely no answers. And no water. Ivy saw I was upset but even this was too much for her brilliancy to understand. We just hugged. She started crying but I didn’t. I forgot how at a young age and we really should save any of the water we had in us. When you live with a tough father and an absent mother it doesn’t leave room for tears or being soft. Toughen up and you won’t get hurt. We were going to be ok. I made sure of it. After a while of searching with all the knowledge I had, I found nothing. No water, no food, no shelter. Curled up in a ball under a leafy bush, we fell asleep. The night was cold and the bugs were angry and painful on my already raw skin. I stared awake at the stars. I barely caught much sleep that night. If only I could find some water so we wouldn’t die.  
We woke up the next morning early, starved, dehydrated, and afraid. But we started into the forest anyway. We walked for what I would guess was a couple of miles without stopping for anything. We were more than sore by noon and were about to give up. This isn’t the forest I imagined in my mind when we first entered it. The thought occurred to me that maybe it was and I just didn’t know how to gain access to its contents. The image of there being virtually unattainable resources surrounding our dying bodies depressed me. So I decided to push the thought away. My cracked lips and cuts were painful without any treatment they blistered in the sun. My burns were even more painful, crisscrossing all over any skin that had been exposed, turning baby pink skin a fiery red. My whole body throbbed but the real pain was from within. My empty stomach and how dehydrated I was gave me a steady, thumping headache and unimaginable cramps in my sides. We sat down together again under a tree to try and get out of the sun but eventually my stomach was too painful to even do that so I just laid down. I closed my eyes and began to die peacefully. So fucking stupid Madison, You’re so dumb. At one point a trickle of rain began to pour down. I had no energy to try and get water. I had no energy to speak and ask Ivy to get some. I couldn’t communicate if my life depended on it. It did. I just lay there. Call me a quitter if you want. But at this point, I knew it was the end. Everything was silent and serene as we drifted off to death. No sounds but the pattering of raindrops and the long, sharp grass brushing along with the wind. For miles, I could see the empty blue sky and the weird, unknown trees. It felt like not another soul was for miles. It’s kinda nice, I thought, but then I remembered I was dying on some dirt in a forest from no water while being rained on so then I shut up. Maybe it’s a heatwave or something. It’d probably explain why it’s so hot- the peace was broken by heavy footsteps. Great.  
Now I had to suffer the torture of a mask. This is it. For me. I will protect Ivy. I want to say I jumped, mostly stumbled to my feet, crazed by sudden adrenaline.   
“Get behind me!” I yelled at her, probably sounding like I was on drugs or at least heavily intoxicated.   
I prepared to get cut up in the cruelest ways conceivable but to my relief, when the figure emerged from the vines it wasn't masked. It was a girl. 18 maybe? Her dusky, brown hair was sharply braided back in two French braids and she wore forest green capris with a white shirt and a black leather jacket. Her eyes were a set, determined, green. The dewdrops of rain lightly dotted her face. She was quite pretty. I wish I looked as tough as her. She could take anything. She carried a bow and a packed sheath of arrows. A backpack too. Filled with supplies I guess although it carelessly slumped off her shoulder as if it weighed not a pound. She judgmentally glared down at us and sized us up. She sized us upright. Her face dropped from horrifyingly psychotic to almost neighbourly and I saw Ivy visibly relax. Then her gaze shifted upwards. Her eyes widened and she quickly fit an arrow and fired behind us. We heard a shout and wheeled around to see a masked pig with an axe and an arrow between the eyes. We were being followed. Or maybe he had just been in the forest all along. I didn’t ask many questions. I mean, a minute ago I was literally dying. We looked back and she picked up Ivy like she was a sack and grabbed me by my wrist with an almost iron grip. I awkwardly shuffled behind her as she walked. I don’t know why she walked so fast. Through the forest, we trudged before my head began to spin silently and the cramps in my side doubled me over. She handed me a bottle of water with almost an eye roll. I rolled my eyes back at her, I’m sorry I literally walked with you until my legs gave out. She just sarcastically smiled back at me. I’d say after a good hour the trees began to thicken. Just then she spoke to us.   
“I’m Maybe.” She said.  
Good to know,  
I’m scared.  
“Maybe? Is that a name?” I said precociously instead.  
“Yeah. It’s my name.”  
“Yeah I know I’ve just never met anyone named after an adverb.”  
“She’s so smart, isn't she?” Maybe looked over at Ivy still slung over her shoulder.  
“She’s like a B student.”  
“No, I'm not!”  
“Just shut up Madison! She literally saved us!”  
“Wait, she's making fun of me when her name is Madison?!”  
“What’s that even supposed to mean?”  
Ivy let out a long sigh and looked at me,  
“This is going to be a long trip.”  
“Where are we even going?”  
“SOMEONE TELL MADISON TO SHUT UP!”


	4. Should be homesick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And whether it was forceful or not, you joined the fight and you gave it a go. Truly, that’s all they’ll ever ask.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meet Maybe and Cade. The first of the group. I love them more than my heart can contain. Also I won’t describe all their outfits since I know how much everyone hates that, and I hate to be that person, so y’all can use your imagination.

It was a long trip.  
Maybe was 17 and from around here. She said that once this broke out she was one of the first to know because her father worked in that same lab. Instead of doing what some would do which would be worrying and hoping the government could handle it, Maybe decided to train herself. She learned how to use a bow and then developed muscles and a mind that could kill without remorse. She could use a knife too. She then ran away. Her parents owned a bunker and were stationed there but Maybe wanted to exist. She wanted to fight this. She wanted a future more than her parents did. There’s a group of people like her. They could help us. They all wanted to fight and save the world. We would join them. Maybe was quite an interesting person to me. She set high standards for herself and she had built herself up to the person she was now. She could adapt to anything. She had a strong mind and was smart. She was physically strong too and carried Ivy, a full pack and a 12 pound bow with ease. How she accomplished that in 3 weeks I still can’t say. Maybe had a cold look in her eyes. When she finally got us to the camp, it was pretty… rough but, immediately, I felt strangely at home. For some reason though, I couldn’t help but miss my family; even slightly. Somehow, once a person is gone you slowly begin to care.  
I stood surrounded by wooden houses that were quickly built laid in quirky rows. There was a big bonfire in the middle that was crisply unlit. People were going about their business. One woman, who was picking up apples to put into a wicker basket looked over at us. Maybe waved at her and we followed her over. The woman was definitely older than Maybe. She was a warm person, I could tell immediately. I’m very good at sensing who people were from just a first impression. For example, Maybe was definitely a bitch.  
“Picked up some kids, huh? Always finding things aren’t you May? You guys hungry?”  
I nodded. I admit I’m a little shy and at this point I was also flustered.  
“I’m Pamela by the way. We don’t have too many fish at the moment... someone needs to go fishing for once and stop picking up stragglers.” She winked at Maybe “We’ve got tons of apples though!”  
She tossed us a couple. I hate apples and I mean hate them. Horse food is exactly what they are. I’ve always hated them. I’m an orange person. That day I ate more than 8. They tasted better than any food I’d ever eaten. Pam stopped me when she found out.  
“Glory kid! You’re gonna get sick off a these! Who starved you? Goodness.” I wanted to tell her I technically starved myself since I'm incapable of getting my own food but I wanted to seem like a little bit of an asset.  
I sat with my feet in a bucket of water. They were badly burned and cut up. I found it hard to walk at all. Pam had gotten me a new pair of shoes. They were almost exact copies of the vans I had before.  
“Is Ivy going to be okay?”  
Ivy had a fever so Pam had taken her down to the local hospital they had, it was really just a tent. Maybe looked up. She was sharpening her arrows. She looked concerned but then softened.  
“Of course hun. She’s just running a fever that’s all. We’ve got a good doctor, she’ll be fine.” She went back into focus and I looked away from her. She could get really focused sometimes and it’s best not to disturb her. The piney scent around us was nice. And my full stomach was even better. I slowly took sips of water as I tried to wipe the dirt off my shorts. No use. Another stranger came by.  
“Hey new kid what’s your name.”  
I looked over a little startled. He was cute. Curly hair brushed off to the side and blue eyes. White skin with a tan and freckles.  
“Madison!” I stuttered, a little startled. I was still jumpy. Maybe laughed.  
“Found her an’ her sister on one of my trips out.”  
He looked down at me. He was definitely older than me. Maybe’s age I bet.  
“Names Cade. Nice to meet you, Madeline.”  
I bet I had made a great, memorable impression. Eventually, night started to fall and Maybe came by again. She took me to my bed. It was in a long tent. There were rows and rows of cots. It could host about 40 people I guessed. Maybe helped me settle in and assured me Ivy was resting now and she was okay. Then she left me to sleep and boy, I slept well on that lumpy, squeaky cot.


	5. Speed bumps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little danger is fine sometimes. Especially when nobody’s watching!  
> There’s some death in this chapter. This is where anything gruesome starts so here’s your final warning!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meet some more characters! I can't wait for everything to take off oml. Some of my favourite parts are coming up... for now here's a cool tip: always order light ice at starbucks. You'll get like 30% more drink it's honestly the best.

I awoke and for a second didn’t know where I was. I jolted up only to realize I was “home”. I got up and stretched. I walked outside to try and find Ivy or Pam or Maybe. I didn’t find any familiar faces though so I just walked around. There was an archery station with targets, a small lake, cooking pots, a large array of knives displayed on some sort of shelf mounted on a tent. I looked at all the tents. They were bigger than the wooden houses so I knew one of them had to be the hospital. I searched for a second and then found it. It was labeled “Medical Attention”. I stepped inside and was greeted by mangled people, sick infants, and nurses, just rising up to meet the sun. I walked down the hall and at the very end was Ivy. She was awake and smiled as she saw me. “Hey stranger!” She sat up.  
“How’re they treating you? I asked, I was worried.  
“Oh, I’m alright. Just a little hot an’ a couple bruises and burns. Nothing.”  
I sighed, she was acting tough again. She wasn’t tough, she was 12.  
“I’ll be back to visit later.”  
The sun was shining on her pale face. She smiled with her eyes closed and fell back asleep. I walked away from her, both of us dead to the world. Just her more literally. I walked down to the area I was in yesterday. Maybe someone was there that I knew. I wasn’t exactly in the mood to meet anyone new. Thankfully I ran into Pam. “Hey, honeybun! Breakfast is almost ready. If your hungry now though...” she handed me an apple and winked. I wasn’t that hungry though so this would probably be enough breakfast for me. I ate it under a tree and watched the clouds go by for a bit. I should probably go do something. I could learn how to use a bow like Maybe. She could teach me if she wasn’t busy... I walked over to the archery section. Maybe was there along with Cade and another boy. “Hey, kid.” Maybe said as she reloaded her bow. Cade smiled, the other boy also smiled. He had dark hair and light skin. His eyes were black and kind. Cade nudged his arm,  
“I’m Boston.” He sputtered.  
“My name's Madison, nice to meet you.” I picked up a bow and tried to load it like Maybe did. She was good at it.  
Boston was younger than Cade. He was around my age. Maybe 15. He didn’t look like Cade. I liked how Cade looked. He was nice too. Why won’t this damn arrow go in? I’ve been trying for like 6 minutes now. He wasn’t ugly though if that’s what I’m making it sound like. If he was at my school he’d be one of the most popular boys. I liked him. I don’t think I could ever love him though. I’d never really loved anyone.  
A whisper broke my thoughts,  
“it’s backward.” It was Maybe. She was looking down at me.  
I turned the bow around... the arrow fit right in. I then spent the morning trying to shoot it. The boys were distracting sometimes, laughing and fooling around. Maybe joined in on occasion. I felt Boston’s eyes on me sometimes. I didn’t stare back though. I didn’t find a good reason to. By lunch, I had at least gotten close to the target. Maybe was impressed with me because it was my first time and bows aren’t easy. I went to visit Ivy. She was sitting up waiting. “How was your morning?” I imagined Cade and Boston and Maybe. Does Boston like me? He couldn’t.  
“Hello?” Ivy was unimpressed. “Sorry, yeah um it was good. I shot an arrow. I need to go!” Ivy rolled her eyes at my incompetence. “Yeah ok sure. I’m not the one who sounds sick here!” She called out. I was already gone. She was right though. Ivy is always right.  
I soon met more people. The nurse who took care of Ivy was named Chella, the older couple who lived there were Maggie and Fred, and of course Cass. Cass was Maybe’s friend although it seemed like everyone was Maybe’s friend. Cass had hair that was so blond it was almost white. She had chocolatey, careless eyes and a smirk 90% of the time. She could get angry very quickly and was very skilled with a knife. Her outfit showed enough skin that I’m sure she wouldn’t be allowed in anyone’s church. I didn’t like her as much as I liked Maybe. I didn’t like her at all actually. Cass liked fights, booze, and fast cars, so when she asked us if we wanted to go for a ride in her corvette I was hesitant. Maybe got right into the front seat. Maybe just rolls with the punches even if that is riding in a car with Cass. Cass immediately pulled out alcohol and I thought that this was the end. She offered us all some. Maybe took some but I only saw her take a sip before resting her elbow on the open door of the corvette. It was red and for some reason had four seats even though everyone knows corvettes only have two.  
“It’s a hybrid!” Is what she enthusiastically called it as she handed me the bottle.  
Maybe wouldn’t let me have any because I was fourteen, not that I wanted any. Cass drank straight out of the bottle. Soon we were speeding down the sandstone roads at 90 miles per hour. The speed limit was 40. It didn’t matter though, the police were dead. Everyone was dead. Cass pushed the speed though and I was practically holding my stomach down at one point. afraid my organs were literally going to fly out my mouth onto her leather seats. I hadn’t ever gone this fast. My parents drove responsibly and so did my bus. Although Cass liked speed. Maybe wasn’t scared like me. Her eyes were bright and she was talking and laughing with Cass. As we roared down the road I relaxed a bit, I was more used to the speed. “So where ya from,” Cass asked.  
“Palm court. Arizona.” I replied.  
“Ahh, you an Arizona kid? Interesting. Ya know I knew a kid from there once. I forget her name.” Cass was a little scatterbrained. She was all over the place. It was probably the excessive amount of liquor in her system.  
“We’re from South of Arizona, a little farther than you but much closer to here.” Maybe was much less drunk than Cass and could keep a conversation better. “How’d you even get down here anyway?” I didn’t reply. I didn’t want them to know I sacrificed my entire family for my own wellbeing. She talked about how she used to go to school with Cass and how they would go to parties. Interesting enough Maybe was quite the party girl back in her old town. Cass would drink at all them. She just went for alcohol. Maybe was pretty. I could see why people liked her although she swore she’d never dated anyone before. Cass said that wasn’t true and they laughed at that. Not for a second did I believe she hadn't. Heck, even I had. It was a while ago, his name was Jake. It was just for the hell of it. I didn’t really like him.  
Our conversation was abruptly cut short when we spotted a rugged, black lump on the ground just outside the treeline. The hybrid corvette went from 80 to 0 eerily quick and parked itself silently a couple of meters away from the unspecified.  
Cass jumped out but slowed her pace before fully reaching it, turning around with a solicitous grin, she raised her eyebrows to us. Maybe trudged forward away from the illusive safety of the car and towards the trees. When she finally reached the lump she halted in concern and bent down to examine it.  
“It’s a body.” She almost huffed at the sight.  
The closer I got the more the scent of crispy flesh and burning corpse seeped into my nose causing me to wrinkle it in disgust.  
“Strange huh, I didn’t know anyone lived here. It’s all charred I can’t see a thing.” Cass muttered at it. As I slowly got nearer to it a funny feeling began to twist my stomach making me feel sick. Thoughts of Chrissy flashed behind my eyes making me uneasy. Thoughts of blood and cuts covering his skin at the hands of a masked assailant.  
I couldn’t look. It wasn’t just that it could have been my brother or that the corpse was burned alive, I’d never seen a dead body before and it was a little jolting. I teetered side to side a little as my head span but I was in the apocalypse so I figured I'd probably see more dead bodies and I was being a tad overdramatic.  
“Too bad for them...” Maybe said nonchalantly as she sat on the trunk of the red corvette polishing an arrow; disturbingly unfazed.  
“There weren't any a those masks here when we first got here?” Cass sat puzzled leaning into the passenger side of the car.  
“I mean… no.” Maybe shrugged.  
“Obviously there are now.”  
“Well I mean yeah but-” Maybe grabbed her bow and shot a perfectly straight arrow “but you think they'll challenge me?”  
“I get it, I get it y’all can use a bow. I’m just sayin’.” She looked unimpressed as she took a drink from the bottle. “And by the way, they would.”  
I sat there not saying much. I mean I was a little taken aback from this small talk we were having centimeters away from what could realistically be my dead brother.  
“What’s wrong with the kid?” Cass was slurring her words as she dazedly peered at me.  
“I’ll drive.” Maybe grabbed Cass’s keys. I nodded a silent “thank you” as I valued my life and Cass was barely standing upright.  
It wasn’t a smooth, silent ride home with Cass in the back and they were both still slightly intoxicated. But Maybe used the blinkers. And I appreciated that.


	6. She drove fast cars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A normal day for darker times is the perfect plot to a Saturday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some more info on Cass since she’s one of my favourites...  
> I loved writing this chapter. It’s very chill and has that perfect day aspect to it. And since we won’t be getting to many of these y’all better hold onto it.  
> I listened to adele while writing this. Don't really know how that affects anything but I felt like y'all should know. "When we were young" is just so !!

When we got back Cass went for a nap unsurprisingly so I went with Maybe. Maybe doesn’t do much besides hunting, sharpening, practicing, and apparently adding to the list, driving with Cass. And with hunting scheduled for tomorrow and all her arrows sharpened twice, she decided to go wash her clothes in the stream nearby. So I was uncomfortably alone again. I began uphill to the center of the camp when I ran into Boston. Quite literally. I fell off balance and he grabbed my arm to steady me.  
“Oh hey! Uhh, didn’t see you there!” He was blushing but I think it was from running. He seemed to run a lot.  
“Hey.” I smiled and then looked down to see he was awkwardly still holding onto my arm. He looked down and when he realized he immediately let go muttering a small “sorry”.  
“Your sister wants to see you whenever you're free.” He stuttered.  
“You talk to her?” It seemed weird to me that Boston and Ivy knew each other. They were in two different worlds in my mind.  
“No, I was visiting Max, he broke his arm the other day. She asked if I knew a girl named Madison and I said I did. She wanted me to let you know that she wants to see you. Apparently, you haven’t visited her lately?”  
“Thanks,” I said blankly.  
He awkwardly smiled and continued his run. I tracked up the rest of the hill and stalked to the medical tent. At the very back was Ivy, pale but better and lying on her side to face the back wall.  
“Cute isn’t he?” She smiled at the wall she was still facing.  
“Huh?”  
“Well, I know you didn’t just come here on your own. It’s not like I’m your only family or anything.” She was mildly frustrated but she was right because Ivy is always right.  
I skimmed over that statement and as vividly as possible told her about the corvette and the boys I had met. I excluded the part about the body because I didn’t know how she’d be and I didn’t want to lose visitation rights if she were to freak out. She just wasn't as strong as me. “What a doll that Boston is. He’s quite talkative!” She chirped.  
Really? Boston didn’t spark me as the talkative type. So far he had said like 10 words to me and I had known him for 3 days. He was shy and awkward.  
She was probably just sick and forgetful and thinking a nurse was Boston. We talked for a while before I left to get dinner. I looked up to the pale orange sky as I took a seat on one of the steps to the wooden houses and began eating another apple. Maybe walked up next to me absolutely covered in blood.  
“What’s with you? Always thinking. Your thinking again? I bet.” She said as she raised a dripping hand and wiped her forehead.  
I wasn’t going to ask about the blood. She seemed to be ignoring it completely. What odd people here.  
“Yeah, I guess I’m just thinking. I’ve got a lot to think about.” I shrugged.  
“I guess so.” She laughed as she threw another apple at me from a basket. I turned the red ball around twice in my hands and harshly dropped it on the floor before walking away from it. I hate apples.  
I woke early the next day. Out before sunrise. I walked for a bit around the camp before I came across a layer of the forest where a dirt path sat, hidden by vines and underbrush. I crawled in and walked the scenic dirt trail until it came upon a small cliff. The ledge overlooked beautiful scenery. Green with a splash of orange. Budding flowers and sandy plains. Far off a waterfall was endlessly pouring into the stream we used. The sun was just barely rising and everything was being lit up already. It covered the world in a layer of liquid gold and it blazed the skies with unnatural pinks and purples. I didn’t even hear the footsteps behind me until they were by my side.  
“Hey, you found my spot.”  
I turned around to face Cass. She was smiling but she wasn’t looking at me. Gazing off to the light her brown eyes painted with the colours she longed upon. She was wearing a white sweater, blue jeans, and converse. Converse? Is she poor or something? She looked different from the swanky outfit she sported when I first met her. Her hands were in her pockets. Her hair was brushed and fell just above her shoulders. She sat down next to me and looked me over.  
“I could watch this. You know you could go to a million parties and drive the fastest cars. You could travel the whole world and you could meet a new person every day but you’ll never be alive. People never stop sometimes.” She leaned her face on her arm and sighed, her voice lacked its usual efficacious accent.  
I was dumbfounded. I thought for a second.  
“Why do you drink Cass?”  
She gave me a funny look.  
“For the hell of it. I mean I like being high. I like moving fast. I like to forget things.”  
“You’re not really living when you drink. You just kinda stop living. It’s almost stupid why you’d do that. “  
“Well, you don’t know what it’s like to want to stop living. I never thought I'd end up like this.”  
“Well I still think it's stupid.”  
She sighed.  
“I don’t think I’ll ever grow up. I don’t know how to feel about that.”  
“I... don’t know what to say to that.” I raised my eyebrow.  
“I don’t want this life anymore.”  
“No! You need this life. You're important. Maybe needs you.”  
“Maybe will be fine. And I ain’t gonna be killing myself either, god knows I tried. I’m just stuck. I’m only 17 and I’m fighting for a world that’s long gone. Fighting’s useless. You can’t fight a wall of fire, it's just too big. It's not that i don't want to live, I just wish I had a different life.” She shook her head.  
“I understand that.”  
She nodded and looked off into the now almost risen sun. Her eyes were pretty. Her face was still as the luster enhanced sharp angles and veiled her skin. I envied her body. The wind swept across my bare arms. Everything was still. The world stopped for me. Just long enough for me to experience it, for me to see who Cass really was. She loved going fast but was begging to slow down. She loved sharp knives but didn’t want to get cut. Cass loved things she couldn’t love. She wanted things she couldn’t have. She needed things she denied herself and she drove fast cars.  
It was Sunday and I was going to try to talk to Boston, but he was out hunting with Cade. Maybe and Finn were out carving new bows because Finn broke his. Finn was Cade’s age. He was conventionally attractive with dark skin and strong arms. Finn flexed his muscles every chance he got. He was quite proud of his build. Maybe laughed at him often. I didn’t know if he knew how much of a show-off he was or if he just didn’t care. I found it funny too. I begrudgingly visited Ivy although she didn’t have much to say. I didn’t either. I spent most of the day with Cass. We drove out to get firewood from a now-abandoned lumber yard. Cass let me in the front seat and she slammed on the gas. We flew down the road in the hybrid corvette. I felt free. It was fun. Saying we got there quickly was an understatement; as when I stepped out of the car and looked behind us, you could easily see tire tracks in the sandstone leading all the way to where we parked. We started loading thick slices of cedarwood into the back. It seemed slightly unconventional to load a corvette with planks of wood. Cass I think was still slightly intoxicated so maybe she didn't even have the thought but she did make sure it didn’t scratch her Italian leather seats by placing each row gently. Another thing I learned is that Cass, although she barely shows any muscles is probably stronger than Maybe. While I could only carry two logs at a time she was hauling over 7. She smirked as she realized I was watching her with slight envy. She threw a cedar log at me as if it was a water balloon ready to burst upon impact. It didn't though; it hit me across the side of my head and I tripped over backwards. She cackled humorously but something about the farcicality of the joke was rather dry to me. Perhaps I was just boring. I scrambled up to my feet and swiftly punched her in the arm. She laughed at my attempt. I’m guessing it didn’t hurt.  
The sky was an endless stretch of incessant blue and the choppy woods around us smelled harshly of freshly cracked timber. The hot sun shone down peppery through the pines on my half-healed, peeling skin, and beads of sweat began to drip from my brow to my collarbone. As I got into the front seat of Cass’s red car I almost lept forward as the hot leather burned my back. It was crazy how fast the sun ignited the woods and turned everything to simmering embers that sizzled to touch. I leaned half my body out over the top of the door to minimize contact with the seat but it didn’t matter since everything was hot anyways. Cass collapsed into the car, ignoring how sharp I knew the leather seats were, although she did flinch when she touched the wheel, dragging her bottom lip between her teeth. All I could think about was heat, heat, fire, the body; I cringed at the memory and my stomach went sour as I made a face. Why was it just so hot?  
On the way back Cass decided to make a quick stop at an old gas station, always putting her precious cars' needs first. She got out and started walking towards the small store sitting idly between two tall, Texan cactus plants. Suddenly she stopped and whipped around to me. I was still awkwardly seated in the corvette with my hands folded politely on my lap like a lady.  
“You can get out if you want.” She said, looking at me as if I was stupid. I quickly hopped out but I admit; I was still a little queasy from the rocket of a drive and the sun that seemed intent to melt me.  
The glass door to the front of the building shifted open, persuaded by Cass’s push. She waltzed into her new establishment and I followed behind. My scruffy shoes looked almost fictitious against the clean, white tile. I stared at them as if they were a picture. Some movie poster carelessly stuck outside a new blockbuster, I could picture it now, Apocalypse thriller, sci-fi, horror. Truly all fitting genres for the scene. I frowned at the fact I'd never see a movie again but it didn't matter anyway. I’d rather my headphones.  
I stalked the ransacked isles for a minute more before a sudden shift startled me.  
“Look at this!” Cass was holding a full bottle of Coca-Cola she had taken from one of the ice cream coolers in the back. The amber liquid swooshed around inside the glass as she held it up for me to see.  
“Coke? I haven’t drunk that in ages.” That wasn’t true. I had had one last month although last month was years ago.  
“I bet they're still good. I mean this stuff lasts a nuclear war.” She was looking over the bottle thoroughly. There were four that weren’t cracked.  
“I’m up for it!” I grinned enthusiastically. I was actually pretty excited to have some sugar.  
“That’s my girl!” She tossed me a bottle and I just barely caught it.  
We both sat on the hood of the red corvette swinging our legs as we drank the soda. Cass spent the rest of the afternoon sharpening her knives and telling me about how she once accidentally blew up a microwave which ended up being a twistedly long tale. At first, I hated Cass. She was loud, drank too much, and was far too careless. Now I liked her. She was outgoing, funny, and smart. She also knew her way around knives pretty well. She spent careful time teaching me how to throw one. Eventually, I could spear right through the old steel vending machine like nobody's business. I was a fast learner. I have always been. And the sugar was helping lift my mood. I felt new, raw energy and I was no longer hopelessly tired. I felt weirdly happy, wanting to be living in that moment forever.  
Course you can’t do that.  
We smashed the bottles, stole the gas, and then sped off. Halfway back she pulled over and got out.  
“You know how to drive?”  
My eyes lit up dangerously.  
It may not have been the smoothest ride home but Cass enjoyed herself even when we almost crashed multiple times.  
I let the speed get too fast and the car swerved off the road towards the sandy ditch beside us. Cass leaped over; grabbing the wheel and careening us towards the center again. Giggling at my squeal.  
“You're a special one, you know? You’ll change things up for us. Keep it interesting.”  
I nodded. I probably would. Then the car went off the road again.


	7. I've never been to Boston

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A peaceful night of confessions; soon to become an addiction, begins tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all why's this chapter so short >:(  
> next chapter is a favourite!

When we got back it was dusky and late into the evening, the summer sun refused to set just yet. It would probably set soon. I was sitting on the rocky steps of one of the wooden houses eating an unseasoned chicken leg when Cass came over, situating herself next to me.  
“You said you wanted to speak to Boston right?” She had a slight southern accent again so I knew she was close to drunk; if her eyes didn't give it away already.  
I raised an eyebrow at her and sighed.  
Let’s go over this a bit, you should probably make more friends. Especially if you ever want any sympathy. You can’t fight, you can’t hunt, you need to play this smart.  
“I wanted to get to know him better.”  
“Exactly. And you probably should if you want to stick with us because Cade loves him.”  
“I mean, I guess.” I shrugged nonchalantly.  
“Well go to our spot then and wait there.” She winked at me.  
“What?”   
“Did I just speak Spanish? I said go to our fucking spot and wait there Madison.”  
I nodded at her sharp change in personalities and quickly wandered off to the break in the trees and the trail in the woods. Kicking dead leaves down the path as I slumped up the large hill a couple of feet from the treeline.  
The whole area looked the same as before without even a slight difference in the simulation. I didn’t really know what to expect but around 30 minutes after I had gotten there I heard leaves shuffling behind me. Holding my breath, I stood half-hidden in the trees.  
“Jesus Christ, Cass, what the hell is this place? She want me to jump or something?” Emerging from the bush was Boston. His onyx hair was slightly fluffy in the dying heat and his arms were folded across his chest. His white t-shirt had a small splatter of crimson blood near the bottom where it was paired with his dark, ripped jeans. He awkwardly shuffled forward and stared off the grassy cliff. Apparently, Cass never told him I’d be there so when he looked over to where I was standing he yelped in shock.  
Jumping back, he slipped on the stony edge of the cliff and fell dangerously left towards the almost 50-foot drop. I screamed as I watched him fall but he caught himself on the edge and managed to stay on top.  
“Oh god! Sorry about the surprise... I thought Cass would have told you! Are you alright?!”  
“No worries.” He muttered as he picked himself up and gingerly touched the side of his cheek that slammed on the ground.  
“I think that’ll be sore later.” I muttered awkwardly, seeing the giant mark down his face.  
“Well the good thing is I’m not dead at the bottom of the cliff. I just ain’t used to people watchin’ me from bushes that’s all.” He made me sound kind of stupid but I don’t think it was on purpose. I sat down on the edge of the cliff and stared down at the trees. Boston joined me.  
“Cass said I should get to know you.” I shrugged.  
“Ah.”  
We sat in the world's loudest silence for a good twenty seconds.  
“How do you like hunting?” I asked awkwardly, trying desperately to get rid of it.  
“Pretty well I guess. I don’t really like killing things. Don’t tell Cade though, he loves it. Finn just likes to show off and Maybe just goes with it. Cade likes her better than me. I mean at least she can kill something.”  
I sighed   
“I don’t like killing either.” We paused for a minute and the silence resumed. Now it was no longer awkward, but heavy. And suddenly, I began to dread.  
“I want to go back. I don’t belong here.” I uttered. My throat had a big, swollen lump that made it hard to speak.  
“Sure you do. We need you at the camp.”  
“I don’t mean I don’t belong at the camp. I mean I want to go back. Before all this. Before all the killing and the new societies and the desert. I hate the desert. I want to go back a couple weeks. I don’t belong anymore.”  
I wanted to be back with my family more than anything right now. I’d kill to play with Chrissy or listen to music with Ivy. I’d even enjoy eating pork or duck or beef because that’s all we ever ate. I’d even like to see my mother again. Just once more. You don’t care about anyone the way you care when they’re gone.  
Boston was silent, staring at the ground. He brushed his hair out of his eyes.  
“You can go back if you want.” I offered.  
“No I’ll stay. I like it here. I always used to go and spend the night outside when my old man would get angry and start throwin’ things. He scared me sometimes.”  
I had never really thought about it. What people’s lives at the camp were like before. I mean I had imagined Maybe and Cass at parties and I had imagined Pam in her bakery but that’s about it. According to Cass , Boston had a rough home life. His dad would get drunk and beat him and his mom had died a couple years ago. I always complained about my life but I couldn’t even imagine Boston’s, and he never complained a word. I had never been hit by any of my family members. Ever.  
We sat together under the moon. Silently watching the stars. The only noise was the crickets and the waterfall. Occasionally a bird would chirp or the wind would blow. It was peaceful and I could see why he liked doing this. Then he broke the silence.  
“I thought about what you said. I don’t belong here either. No one does. Nobody was prepared for this. An I mean mentally. Nobody wants to kill and watch the ones they love die. I wish we could go back too.”  
So maybe we weren’t that different after all. We were quite similar. I had always dreamed of this. A beautiful scenery. Nighttime. Not too warm and not too cold. The perfect night that my parents never allowed me. I had a ten thirty curfew.  
“Thank you Boston.” I wasn’t thanking him for anything in particular. I was just glad he was there and that he understood.  
By morning I had sorted out my thoughts and by the time we had got back to camp Ivy was up walking around. Talking to everyone trying to catch up. People seemed to enjoy her. She saw me and Boston seconds after we had emerged from the bushes.   
“Hey Mad, hi Boston! What’s up? How are you? Where’ve you been? I’m so happy to finally be up! What’d I miss?”  
“You're awake already? Are you sure you're not still sick? You just got in there!”  
“It’s been 4 days Madison. If you haven’t noticed.”  
I guess I hadn’t.   
“Anyways I’m going with Pam. She needs my help making apple tarts.”  
“Have fun.” Boston said   
“Thanks!” And with that she was off. She was like a spark, flying all about.   
“I’m going to find Maybe. Catch you later.”  
“Sounds good.” He brushed his hair out of his eyes, again.  
His eyes. They were something special, I just couldn’t figure out why.  
That night as I was going back to my cot Pam came up to me.  
“Hey, you want a cabin?” She asked  
“Oh! Yes! Of course!” I was beaming. Pam ushered me over to cabin #9. My new home! I love it! I walked in, finally a home for myself! Although there was one tiny problem...  
“Hey Madison!” Ivy called out from where she was sitting on the bed. And yeah, I know I was being selfish. Ivy had gotten the short stick, I mean she wasn’t on council, she wasn’t changing the world or leaving the camp but she didn’t care. And yet, I still hated her. These were my friends. Her and camp were separate worlds to me and I wanted to keep it that way. And yet she was just there. I just sighed and threw my stuff down opposite of my bed. I crawled in and fell asleep. Ivy next to me. It wasn’t fair.


	8. Flawless imperfection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suddenly, I became important

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I LOVE THIS CHAPTER  
> I worked very hard on it.  
> Also horses! Yay! Who doesn't love a good horse?

I was waking through the rows of small wooden houses when all of a sudden a bell rang. I saw people begin to gather at the centre of camp. I joined them and stood in confusion. Pam began to speak,  
“There was a group of sheep spotted east of the windmill. Can we have all essential hunters gather at the main hall.”  
The main hall was the biggest tent they had. It was fortified with wood planks. It held all the important meetings and gatherings that didn’t consist of the whole town.  
I was about to walk back to my bed but I felt a hand on my back guiding me forward. It was Maybe.  
“I want you to join us. You have potential.” She said flatley.  
I sheepishly walked forward with the rest of the “essentials”.  
The essentials consisted mostly of young, fit kids. Cade was there and so was Boston and Finn. I think Boston was Cade’s apprentice. That means I was probably Maybe’s. Maybe and Cass stood next to me. Cass had an array of knives with her and Maybe had her bow. Cade had a knife as well but all the boys carried bows. Pam looked us over.   
“You sure she’s ready?” Pam was concerned that I wouldn’t be able to kill. I also had that concern. They were still people, they were just infected. I didn’t want to kill anyone.  
Maybe sighed and knelt down to my level,  
“She will learn soon. We are cleansing the earth. Those people need to die so we can live. You understand, right?” Maybe asked me.  
“Yeah.” I understood what she meant. I just didn’t want to agree with it. She took my hand and led me out of the main hall. We began walking into the woods. The windmill was on a hill not far from camp. That’s why killing them was so necessary. It would be difficult to drive a car up there so we trekked the forest. The sun was shining down through the thick leaves as we walked. It was pretty. Cade and Maybe were in a conversation. Maybe was laughing. She laughs a lot though. Cass was arguing with Finn over a bottle of whiskey and it looked like it was about to get physical so it just left me and Boston silently walking through the brush. I looked at him. His hair had fallen over his eyes again. He looked innocent enough.  
“Hey look at that.” Cass smirked as she peered over a small bank. There were over 10 sheep, flipping around axes. They looked up and Cass pulled out a knife.  
“You're outta your territory!” She yelled at them.  
“Whatchu gon’ do about that little bitch?” One of the sheep called out.  
“Your goin to leave now! And you ain’t gonna come back.” She warned.  
“Ha! You hear that boys? She’s gonna make me leave! I’m so scared. Come here girl, make me leave.” He spit at her.  
“Sure.” She said and started to walk over. He began to lunge at her but in seconds he had a knife buried in his chest and was spitting out blood under his mask.  
“Anyone else?” She challenged   
Two sheep jumped out at her. Maybe caught one in the shoulder with an arrow and the other one got its throat slit by Cass. A sheep began to run at me. I had a bow and I was quite skilled with it but I panicked. He jumped at me and I thought this was the end. But it crumpled under my feet with a knife in its head. I looked up to see Cade standing on the bank above me. I knew I needed to be useful now so when another ran at me I closed my eyes and shot. Of course I missed though. Maybe finished the job for me. Eventually Maybe, Cass , Finn and Cade had killed enough of them that the others got the memo and ran opposite our camp.  
“Run boys! Run!” Cass got a thrill out of this.  
Boston had been helping Finn raid their small amount of rations. Although I had seen Finn snap one of the sheep’s necks, I hadn’t seen Boston do anything to them. He didn’t really like to hurt things even when they were literally out to kill him. As we began the walk back, everyone started to clean themselves up. Cass polished the now dried blood off her knives, Maybe looked over her bow string for tears and Finn sighed at his white shirt now stained red. Everyone was loud and full of adrenaline. I looked over at Maybe.  
“I'm sorry I didn’t kill that sheep. I really tried my best I just didn’t want to watch it happen.” Maybe smiled down at me.  
“The fact that you even shot the arrow with the intention is all that matters. I’m proud of you.”   
And that was all I had ever wanted to hear. I had new goals now. Now I was going to prove myself to her. She believed in me.  
Cass messed up my hair  
“Fun right?” She had bright eyes and was having a blast. Cass proved herself over and over to everyone. I had never heard anyone say that she couldn’t kill or that she wasn’t strong and if anyone did I already know she’d prove them wrong. Everyone was laughing and talking, the sun setting over the tops of the trees made for a nice serenity. Cass and Finn were sharing the whiskey they had fought over and Cade and Maybe were talking more sensibly than before. Me and Boston were actually having a real conversation now. It seemed that everything resolved itself. I was happy as we walked farther and farther from the bloodbath we had caused.  
-  
I was invited to a council meeting on Saturday night held exclusively at the main hall. I was becoming part of the so-called “revolution” and it was becoming more and more the main focus of my life. It was mostly all because Maybe liked me and Maybe had a tremendous, respectable reputation that silenced anyone who didn’t want me on council. Maybe was one of the biggest assets to the camp. She was the fittest, the smartest, the most resourceful, so even if she was young she dominated the adults in all forms of leadership. And though no matter her decisions the people followed her, it didn’t stop the crude looks some of them snuck me behind her back. The ones who’d whisper about me when I walked outside or the passiveness that ran cold between me and the disagreers. It was an awkward feeling that made me forcefully relive being a teen girl in a middle school hallway. The mocking, the teasing, it all ran disturbingly true through these adults. So now unwillingly, I couldn’t be more of an outsider if I tried. Having to face all these people around a table not only frightened me, it terrified me, making my muscles stiff and unusable. I had to face it though. Some problems can only be faced by the will of unavoidance. And luckily, I had plenty of that left.  
I was strong, yeah, but no will of mine could stifle the shaking in my body as I stood in my small, oak cabin staring aimlessly in the mirror to anywhere other than my reddened face. Maybe stood behind me, ready to do my hair so I looked my best for my first council meeting. She wanted me to look put together, perhaps for my own confidence but I think it was mostly to reassure her. Though everyone trusted her decision to put me on council, some more than others, she still wanted me to look like a good decision. I was just another move on her chess board. I achingly just wanted to be friends. She’d never upfront tell me about her worries but they were easily decipherable through her eyes. She put a hand on my shaking shoulder and pulled it back almost comically quick.  
“Are you ok Madison? You’re shaking like a leaf. Are you cold?” Her concern was eminent; a sudden drive to help. But I just couldn’t explain this all to her. It was currently just incomprehensible words sitting on my tongue without enough time to be properly put together, and I knew if I tried, my point just wouldn’t come across strong enough.  
“I’m fine, sorry, just shake sometimes.”  
“Hm? You know that’s a symptom of anxiety?”  
“How do you know that?”  
“Well I was in psychology when highschool was still a thing.”  
“You were?”  
“Yup, top of my class.”  
She began to carefully part my hair again, weaving it into intricate braids down my shoulders. Below I wore a simple, white sweater and light, denim jeans. I looked almost simple, fancy, at least more than usual, masking the nervous girl who stood shivering in front of the mirror. We had selections of clothes stored around camp from different stores they’d rob. I guess not rob so per say since nobody was alive to own them but that's the term they liked to use. Maybe wore a black, lace top and classic, blue jeans. These fancy clothes were odd and starkly contrasted the whole apocalyptic vibe that surrounded everything we did. The main hall held the same feel to it. Dark, spruce and carpet was flushly lined around the floor. A wide, round table sat in the middle almost endearingly prideful. The walls were decorated with different masks of slain animals; two pigs, two sheep, three wolves and no rabbits. It was almost unsettling.   
Tonight Cass decided to begin the meeting with a complaint.  
“My corvette is great an’ all but we’re runnin’ outta fuel for her. I know there’s still atona fuel down at the west gas station but that’s 3 hours from here, an’ it’s pretty unconventional to have ta go all that way ta fuel ‘er every time. Even if we robbed it we could only carry abouta week's worth a fuel atta time. We need another means of transportation.” Her voice had that stupid accent so I knew she was either close or full on drunk. The thought almost relaxed me.  
“Cars can’t get through the forest either and we can’t just walk every time we need to get something. We can only go so far on foot.” Cade added. He looked striking in his royal blue sweatshirt, a white collar peeking out from overtop.  
“Any ideas?” Pam asked with her hands crossed on the table, a wedding ring was clearly visible yet, I’d never seen her with a man.  
“I know this sounds crazy but there’s a horse stable down the road. They are all just starving there right now. We could use them to get through the forest and I’ve heard they're pretty fast.” Maybe suggested.  
“How are we gonna feed 'em all?” An older asked.  
“We’ve got grass.” I said  
“Not enough. Plus it doesn't grow that fast.” Finn stated, that shut me up.  
“No, it’s a good idea Madison, we just need to find a hay field. The horses can live off grass for now.” Maybe said, backing me up.  
“So we want horses?” Pam looked upon the crowd. “All for horses raise their left hand. Any disagreements must be stated here and now or they will be ignored for the present future.” Pam's words were starkly formal.  
Eight hands were raised, three glares were passed my way. I don’t know why.  
“Tomorrow then, essentials you will bring us as many horses as possible. The rest of the camp will fence an area to keep them in.”  
I was pretty excited, I had never even seen a real horse before. Maybe and Cass had ridden during their country clubs polo matches, Cade and Finn had been on an odd trail ride during a school trip and Boston was eager to learn.  
The next day I woke up early with excitement. I joined the rest of the group as a grey, dusky fog blew circles around our feet. We began our long walk down to the stables. We had short rope and a couple of apples to try to catch them. The sky was a hollow grey but without any rain it was stupidly warm out. The heat, the uneven terrain and the duration of the walk left me parched and exhausted by the time we finally reached the white barn. The girls went into the buildings to look for gear and the boys started roping all the horses they could out of the fields. We found a couple mismatched saddles and bridles. Maybe and Cass knew how to tack them so they got six horses ready. By the time we were done we had about 16 horses. Maybe helped me into the saddle. It was weird being up so high. The horse swayed when it walked and I felt uneasy. Even with the fear of falling it was undeniably better to have weight off my tired legs. Everyone else got on and began settling into their places. I began a slow walk with the group and all the horses, even the unroped ones, followed like a herd. It was pretty cool until all of a sudden Maybe had the bright idea to take off in a gallop, setting that as a pace for the rest. If I had felt uneasy before at a walk you can probably picture how I was at a gallop. Smashing branches tore at my face as we flew through the bramble, weaving past trees. Maybe and Cass looked enviously comfortable and were sitting there fooling around. This was almost similar to driving with Cass except with no car doors or a seatbelt and with branches flying at me. The horse was fast and bouncy, throwing me off balance as it began to speed up, almost as if it wanted to be in front, as if it thought this were a race. I held onto its mane as it steered itself, narrowly avoiding a fallen log which it jumped around. This was scary and new but eventually, like with all things, I got better and had pretty much mastered sitting upright which seemed to in turn help with riding the horses gallop.  
Boston rode a big, black stallion that absolutely towered over us all. It matched his slick black hair and onyx eyes. He looked pretty positive even though he was a being thrown around by the monster of a horse. I remembered how much he said he wanted to ride. I rode a slick, chestnut horse. It was fast and easily weaved the trees. Finn rode a horse that was all I can describe as a chrome. Maybe rode a yellow buckskin and Cass and Cade rode greys. When we got back to camp with our colourful arrangement of horses, we dropped the others off in the newly built paddock and took our horses to graze in an open field a couple minutes away.  
“So what will we name em’?” Cass joked.  
“Pft, it’s just a horse why would we even bother.” Finn laughed.  
“Yeah, who even cares about them?” Chimed in Cade.  
Then they all looked over at their horses that sat calmly in the field chewing on tufts of grass.  
“Well I guess it is a little cool to have my own horse.” Cade pondered.  
“Yeah I guess they’re kinda cute.” Finn sighed.  
We then spent the rest of the day naming them.  
Maybe named hers Bow because she loved bows. Cass named hers Blue Corvette since she already owned a red corvette. I’m just glad she didn’t name him Whiskey, since they were naming them after things we love. Cade named his Possibly as an ode to Maybe. He got a real kick out of it, Maybe gave him a laugh and it seemed to brighten his whole face. Finn named his Shark so they could be Shark and Finn. Boston named his Massachusetts, because of geography. And I couldn’t think of what I wanted to name mine. I wanted something deep and important to me or maybe something witty and sarcastic. I couldn’t think of a damn thing though so Cass said I should call him Horse until I figured it out. I thought it sounded dumb but nobody objected. So that’s that. At least it’s name wasn’t Possibly.  
When we got back we put them in the “essential field” that was easily accessible from our cabins. Ivy ran up to me, an excited glint shot through her eyes as she scanned the field of horses.   
“That one's name is Potato.” She said as she pointed to a fat, grey pony.  
“Ok.” I laughed at the stupidity of the name and the stupidity of the pony.  
But Ivy loved it so I almost loved it too.  
Now that we had these horses we were discovering all types of new things. New stores we could rob, new lakes and streams, another sheep camp we took care of and peaches! How good it was to bite into one.The tight packed orchards were foolishly easy to pick through on a horse. They had much more sugar than an apple and covered a sharp, sweet taste across my tongue. These horses also gave us a huge advantage over the masks, easily sweeping them out as we galloped past. We were quite proud of ourselves for this idea.  
That night I crawled into my bed exhausted but eager to skip to the next day for now I had a pet. A living thing I could look after and love all my own. It made me wonder, maybe things wouldn't be so bad after all.  
-  
The next day I was practicing my targets in the early morning haze, right before the heatwave of daytime washed over, taking everything with it. I had gotten pretty close to a bullseye at this point although the tree behind the target was suffering with sharp daggers of wood sticking out from all sides where I had ripped my arrows. With practice I could accomplish anything and now my arrows could follow a straight line, A bow felt weird in my hands, a weapon. I wonder what my parents would think of me holding a weapon built for me. Then I remembered; my parents were dead. I felt someone come up behind me, assuming it was Maybe I turned around to greet her. It made me happy to see her. All of us at this camp, we were each other's family, for some of us these people were our only family. It wasn't her though; it was Cade.  
“You free? I need a new hunting partner, Boston’s in the medical tent.” He said almost dryly.  
“What? Is he ok?” I asked as I fumbled to put my bow down.  
“You’ll need that, he’s alright. He tripped on a gofer hole and twisted his ankle. Fuck, that kid can never keep his hair out of his eyes. We can visit him before we go though.”  
Before we go?  
I nodded and began to walk with him. I hadn't even agreed to go or said I was free. He probably just wanted to use me like the other people at this camp. Thinking all i’m here for is to help everyone. I was free though, I'm just making a point that I could’ve not been.  
We walked the short trek to the medical attention tent. I knew Cade was upset about not being able to hunt with Boston and having to hunt with me. He didn’t vocalise it but I knew by the way his shoulders slumped as he walked next to me with a drag in his step. Even slouched he towered over me. I wondered if Maybe would’ve been the same about me, dry and unhappy, but for something different than hunting. Maybe had taken me hunting once. She manoeuvred through the forest like a cat, slinking around trees, skipping the branches she knew would crackle under her feet, striking, dead aim on her prey. I was an elephant compared to her. She had an eye for an arrow. She could tell it where to go. Tell it exactly what to peirce. She doesn’t miss. I still remember the day a swallow bird was too deaf to hear me, perched midway up a pine I strung my bow and took an aim. Unfortunately a snake decided to crawl up the leg of my jeans. And be fair, you would’ve screamed too. I’m not an idiot.  
We came back with an empty game bag and three less arrows. Although Maybe got a good kick out of all of it, she’s never asked me to come with her again.  
When we got into the tent and Cade walked right over to Boston. He had his ankle steril and wrapped in white cotton. It was propped up comfortably. He still wore his iconic black converse that shot a bitter distaste through me from the social standards he entertained.  
“She wanted to see you.” Cade said blankly, looking over at me with only his eyes, not turning his head, almost as if he didn’t want me catching him.  
The second Boston saw me he got a big grin across his face. It looked dumb but somehow he made me smile back. Why could his smile break me like that? It was disturbing.  
“How are you?” I asked.   
He shrugged his shoulders.“Fine.”  
It was an almost awkward atmosphere. Heavy, cringy, made me hate myself.  
“You considering a haircut?” I asked to break the unnecessary tension, I hoped the joke wouldn’t fall flat on its face.  
Boston laughed like it mattered and shook his head. He never let my jokes fall flat. I almost forgot.  
“Well you better heal fast, I’ve heard she ain’t exactly the quietest hunter.” Cade said in a rather monotone way but I hoped it was supposed to have a hint of humour for my expense. Boston looked up at me and let out another laugh. He never let’s a joke fall flat.  
We couldn’t waste forever though so we walked out of the medical tent and onwards to the forest. I strung my bow over my shoulder and trudged up the trails behind Cade. I was happy yet I couldn’t help but feel depressed. I couldn’t understand why so I added it to my ever growing list of unanswered questions.  
Cade walked me through the forest on one of the hunting paths, keeping a sharp eye for game.  
The thick leafy pines blocked out most of the sun but a couple yellow rays snuck in and lit up small patches on the ground.  
“You a city kid?” He asked a couple minutes into our walk, his voice sounding weirdly deep in the silence.  
“Yeah.”  
“Rest of us are neighbourhood kids.”  
Here’s something to note that I learned at camp:  
City kids are like me and Ivy. Privileged. Kids who could go to school and didn’t have to worry about dinner on the table. Who didn’t steal, or party and usually had two loving parents. Kids who grew up in the safe walls of the city. Cass and Maybe were also city kids but they hung, partied and went to school with the neighbourhood kids. They were just like them aside from the money. I mean have you seen Cass’s car?   
Neighbourhood kids grew up in the rougher parts of town. They drove mustangs, drank and stole. They all had records. It wasn’t their fault really it’s just how they were. They were handed the shit part of life so they just ran with it.   
Him bringing this up, even when neighbourhoods and cities no longer existed, made me distaste him. A constant reminder, I'll always be an outsider. I'm just not like them. But it’s not my fault, I didn't get to choose my family. Neither did they. And I'm just like them so they can all just shut up.  
After another minute of silence I rebroke the wall.  
“You have a record?” I asked. I don’t know why. That was super stereotypical of me but I just wanted to know.  
“Yeah mostly for dumb stuff like drinking. I got hauled in once for arson but that’s about it.” He shrugged.   
“Why?” I asked.   
“It doesn’t matter much, it was stupid, I was angry and I just did it.” He almost sighed at me.   
“Woah, what was Maybe in for?” Because now I was interested  
He saw I was impressed and then his hazel eyes got that classic glint of inspiration and I knew I was in for a story.  
“Maybe got in for drinking and fighting on her own. Her and Cass though, together they were insane, the sheriff knew em both by name. Partying, big fights, they once broke both this girls arms. She was there standing and cussing out Maybe. I was designated driver so I’d only had a little but they were all wasted. They grabbed her and tied her up in a lawn chair on one of the random houses driveways and both grabbed an arm. Then they both snapped them backwards together and the crack was sick. We just drove away an left her there.”  
My eyes were definitely huge.  
“Finn was in all the time for jumping people and stealing although he was always falsely accused of the assaults and he only ever stole to feed his family, he never argued with the cops. I think he was in a gang. Boston is the only person who was in for something big.”  
Boston? I expected him to say Boston didn’t even have a record. And I mean what really was worse than assault and arson? It hit me just before Cade said it.  
“He killed someone.”  
I got cold and my heart dropped heavily and suddenly.  
“On... on purpose?” I stuttered like a dumb idiot.  
“No. Self defence. He had it real rough at home, his father gave him a gun and told him he’s on his own. There was these kids who always tried to fight him. Boston had nobody to go to. One day they brought all their friends and tried to jump him. They had knives. He thought they were gonna kill him. When the first kid ran at him with a knife he shot him. Point blank in the head. They hauled him in anyway. They didn’t care what happened. Boston spent three years in jail.”  
I squeaked. I had never thought of shy, sweet Boston as a killer. Cass or Finn or even Maybe but not Boston.  
“Don’t worry kid. He ain’t dangerous. He didn’t want to kill the kid. You would’ve too. Everyone would have. It was the sheriff's nephew though so Boston didn’t stand a chance.”  
We killed people all the time here. I’d seen Cass literally slit someone’s throat right in front of me. It wore a mask but I mean it was a person. Why did I care so much? I didn’t know but I felt sick for a while.


	9. It isn't easy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A cold, misty cliff and cold, misty confessions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to actually rip your brain out after reading this then that's the point! I gave them the communication skills of two fourteen year old's. And also, its ok to sometimes not always love the main character... they have their own flaws!  
> ALSO 13 HITS YA'LL

The cliff had quite a view I can’t lie. I really miss it sometimes. I knew I had to bring Boston up to talk. I needed to clear my mind since currently it was in such a fog I struggled to even form thoughts. Although, I didn’t really know how to do it all.  
The spring grass was soft and dewy as it stippled the earthy slope beneath my feet. I could watch for hours as the sun set its low arc, painting the sky, as the little birds began to nest. It was all so beautiful and untouchable. Even to people like me. Soft steps appeared behind me but I didn’t turn my head; I knew it was him. I knew it was him and yet it still gave me butterflies. When it came to him I'd begin to melt like ice in the summer heat. It was dangerous. None of it made sense. The line was always so thin, flaunting its destructiveness.  
We talked about anything we wanted to. I told him how Cass threw a log at me and how I almost died driving with her. He told me how angry Finn gets at the birds because he has awful aim and can never hit them. And how it made Finn so angry once he snapped his bow in half and it made Cade get so angry he pushed him into a river.  
I laughed at some of the stories he told me. He went hunting with the boys 3 times a week so he had plenty of stories to talk about. Though, I had more important things to discuss. But again, I couldn't even begin. Eventually the wind picked up and started blowing the mist from the waterfall onto us.  
“Ah! it’s freezing!” I said wrapping my arms around my sides to keep warm.  
“Here. Take this.” Boston took off his jacket and gave it to me.  
I put it over my shoulders and felt much warmer.  
“Thanks.” This might be the first time I had seen Boston in a T-shirt. He literally always wore this jacket. He looked scarily natural. Like I’d just see him on the street, like he’d never hurt a thing. I wish I didn’t care.  
“We should go on a ride tomorrow.” He said.  
“Yeah I’d like that.” I smiled  
It was demoralizingly black and white. How I was sidestepping the problem. The whole reason I brought him up here. How I was never brave enough to rip the bandaid. To just say what was on my mind.  
“Madison-”  
“Just tell me you didn’t mean it.”  
“What?”  
I was painfully unskilled with words. A fact that always came to stab me in the back.  
“Killing that kid, please just tell me-”  
“How the hell do you even know that!?”  
“Please! I can’t sleep like this.”  
“Yeah, of course it was a mistake! I would never. Which is why I didn’t tell you. You shouldn’t even know! I didn’t want you to see me as some stupid killer like everyone else. Or some dejected kid. This was special. And I’m sorry! I really am.”  
“I don’t like that you lied.”  
“I’m sorry.” He sighed.  
“I would never hate you for something like that. It hurts you think you can’t trust me.”  
“I’m just broken I guess, I can’t trust anyone.” He shrugged.  
“Everything has a couple cracks, how else could you let the light in?” I replied.  
He smiled with his eyes and looked out over the golden landscape we loved. We could never keep it of course but if we could just slow things down for a second...  
My thoughts moved on, you can’t stop time. You can’t stop time or change the past. But, you could ignore it.  
I liked Boston and I liked having a friend to talk to. And though things were shaky, I felt like I could talk to Boston about things I couldn’t tell anyone else. He got me talking the way Ivy did. Ivy was always so busy though. But she was happy so I’d at least done that. We sat together watching the sunrise in all it’s perfection.  
“It is quite nice, I understand why you like it so much.” He said.  
Everyone looks better when the sun hits their face. They look like candles that have just been lit.  
“I used to watch it all the time at home.” I said. I leaned my head on his shoulder, The way Ivy always does to me, and curled up a little. I admit I was a little tired though always too stubborn to admit it.  
“This is the first time I’ve ever really watched it.” He said softly  
He was breathing light and regularly. He was calm and not jumpy or wide eyed like he usually is, his eyes were focused on the sun.  
“Don’t look at it for that long, you’ll go blind.” I laughed.  
“I’m ok with that.” He said with a smile I’d never seen before.  
“We should do this more often.” I said  
“Don’t you need sleep?” He shook his head and brushed the dark hair out of his eyes again.  
I sat up and looked at him.  
“Sleeps for the weak.” I grinned  
He smiled at me, all lit up in the sun rays, and for the first time I’d ever seen, he looked genuinely happy. And it was such a wonderful thing.


End file.
